Two Simple and Effective Ways to Improve Your Relationship
What I’d like to talk about are the two most tangible and research-supported things you can do to improve your relationship. They’re simple on the surface, but can be hard to manage or prioritize—especially in the context of busy, modern lives. When I work with couples, I often emphasize that there has to be a certain intensity behind your intentionality. You have to be willing to put in effort, and that effort must be aligned with clear priorities. Without knowing what you’re prioritizing, it’s hard to be truly intentional.
Make Date Night Non-Negotiable
The first of these practices is going on a weekly date—on the same day, every single week. This isn’t just about going out for fun (although ideally it is fun). A weekly date should follow some specific criteria: it should happen outside the home, preferably in the evening, last at least two hours, be phone-free, and include doing something new. That novelty—whether it’s a new restaurant, a different hiking trail, or a place neither of you has visited—has been shown to be beneficial to both the brain and the relationship. Think of the way that driving to a new place far away feels much longer than driving back home from that place, that is because our body has to be more alert and aware of new experiences. The structure and consistency matter just as much as the activity itself. Having a dedicated date night makes the relationship visible in your calendar. You move your life around the date—not the date around your life.
This ritual creates anticipation and mental space throughout the week. For example, my wife and I go out every Thursday night. Our daughter stays with her grandparents, and we try something new together. It gives us something to look forward to and mentally invest in. Even during the week’s stressors, I’m thinking about her, about our plans, and about our connection. Date nights also offer a space for honest feedback. While they should be fun and relaxing, they’re also a time to clear the air. Maybe something said earlier in the week didn’t sit right. That’s okay—this time is a chance to revisit it gently. The space is already set aside.
Another unexpected benefit? The kids notice. It’s powerful modeling when children see their parents regularly prioritizing each other. My three-year-old and I have a little ongoing joke where I ask, “Who do you think I love most in the world?” She used to say “me!” but now she says “mommy!” It’s funny, but also meaningful—she sees how much we value our relationship. It’s a way of showing what love, commitment, and healthy partnership looks like.
Rituals of Parting and Reunion
The second practice that can objectively strengthen your relationship is having a ritual around coming and going from the house. Many couples already have a version of this, but it becomes much more impactful when done intentionally. Let’s start with the leaving. Whether it’s someone heading to work, running errands, or taking the kids to school, that moment of separation should be marked by some predictable connection. You need to communicate connection and love (e.g. I love you and I hope you have a good day) and at least a 6 second hug or kiss. There is a deeper more fulfilling connection by having a 6 second hug or kiss. You’ll notice the difference.
When returning home, the ritual is different but just as important. The act of greeting each other at the door—really acknowledging the return—is grounding. There’s a huge difference between walking in and being met with warmth versus walking in and getting a distracted “hi” from across the room. I understand we all get busy, but making a habit of warmly welcoming each other home within the first few minutes can shift the tone of the entire evening. After that, carving out 15 to 20 minutes to talk about your day helps maintain emotional intimacy. Skip the generic “how was your day” when possible and go for something more specific. I like to ask, “Tell me something interesting that happened today.” It encourages thoughtfulness and sharing. The goal is simple: show each other that you’re interested, curious, and present.
The Takeaway
Both of these habits—the weekly date and the ritual of coming and going—are backed by research, especially from the Gottman Institute. But more importantly, they’re practical. They are small hinges that swing big doors. They help sustain the connection and intimacy that all strong relationships are built on.