Bringing Home a Newborn and Its Impact on the Older Sibling

It’s been a minute since I’ve written one of these—about a month, in fact. That’s because three weeks ago, on a Monday, our new baby girl, Gwen, was born. She’s our second child, and while we’re pretty sure we’re done, well… you never know.

Life’s been chaotic in the best and most exhausting ways, and I thought I’d use this return-to-blogging moment to talk a bit about what this shift has looked like—not just for us, but for our firstborn, Cora.

Because while bringing a newborn home is an experience all its own, doing so when you already have a young child in the house brings an entirely different layer. And we’ve felt that in full.

The Shift for Our Firstborn

Cora is three years old. She’s smart, sweet, strong-willed, and was used to being the only kid in our orbit. We knew a big transition was coming. We expected feelings of being left out, attention getting split, and less quality time with her—not because we didn’t want to give it, but because we literally wouldn’t have it to give.

And that’s what happened.

We made a conscious decision to preserve as much normalcy as we could. That meant keeping up with our same routines—waking up at the usual time, having breakfast together, and keeping her in school rather than pulling her out to "bond" with the baby. Honestly, that would’ve added chaos for everyone.

Kids thrive on structure, even as they explore freedom. So we tried to give her both: keep the rhythm, while giving her a little more freedom to express whatever she was feeling.

Teaching Her That the Baby’s Crying Isn’t About Her

One thing that’s helped tremendously? Reassurance.

When Gwen cries (and she cries a lot, like all babies), Cora’s instinct was to feel like something was wrong—either with the baby or with her. In her world, crying means someone’s upset or hurt, and it was hard for her not to internalize that.

So we started repeating this simple phrase:
"You didn’t do anything wrong. Babies just cry a lot."

And it worked. So much so that now Cora repeats it herself. It’s become a calming mantra, and honestly, it’s helped all of us keep perspective.

Giving More Rope, Giving More Grace

The first couple of weeks were hard. Cora was still herself, but she was also more irritable, quick to anger, and acting out in ways she hadn’t before as much—hitting, biting, refusing sleep. Totally developmentally normal, but more intense than usual.

Everywhere she went—school, grandparents’ house, home—people noticed it.

We expected a regression of sorts, but living it is different. She’s never had to make room for a new life before. Same house, same pets, same world her whole life. This was a massive shift.

So we gave her more rope. More grace.
Where I might have once said, “You can walk to the bathroom,” now I just pick her up and carry her like she always wants me to. Where we might have been stricter about cleanliness or boundaries, we eased up. She needed more comfort and connection, and we gave it. That made a visible difference over the last week.

Mom’s Capacity (and the Need to Step Up)

Another reality: mom has less to give right now. She’s nursing, exhausted, waking up at night, and just trying to survive the newborn phase. She wants to be present for Cora too—but the bandwidth just isn’t there.

So I’ve stepped up.

More outings with Cora. More one-on-one time. Even if the baby’s crying, sometimes I tell my wife, “I got this—just hang with Cora for a bit.” Prioritizing that relationship helps Cora feel secure, and helps us stay grounded too.

Let Them Be a Part of It

Last thing I’ll share—include them. Cora loves being part of the Gwen care crew. She loves helping wake her up from naps, checking her diaper, or just watching what’s going on.

When she feels involved, not left out, it really helps the sibling bond. And it’s been a source of joy for us too.

Final Thoughts

This transition has been overwhelming, exhausting, beautiful, and full of hard moments. That’s just how it goes.

There’s no perfect way to prepare a toddler for becoming an older sibling. But keeping routines, offering reassurance, giving grace, staying connected, and including them where you can. That’s helped us find our way through.

We’re still in it. But I think we’re finding our rhythm again and if you are going through this as well, you will too.